


Why Do We Suffer?

by loki_silvertongue (TheOriginalSilvertongue)



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Contentment, Drabble, Feels, Frigga (Marvel) Feels, Gen, Grief, Loki - Freeform, Marvel - Freeform, Souls, Suffering, Thor: The Dark World, joy, loki is an emotional smorgasbord, mcu - Freeform, msl?, random thoughts, with a suitcase of pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 07:05:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16113320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOriginalSilvertongue/pseuds/loki_silvertongue
Summary: Drabble. Loki reflects on his emotional state after Frigga's death in TDW





	Why Do We Suffer?

Some moments in life polish our tarnished souls and renew us for more of life's battles. Have you ever known joy so complete that it felt incandescent? Such lightness of being seems almost impossible but every cell pulses with such a profound sense of delight. I know not how much of this is required for survival, only that more would be better, and it seems like there could never be an excess of joy. It is honey on the tongue of the soul, sweet and rich. Perhaps the old adage of 'too much of a good thing' cannot be applied here. That is my hope. None of us strives to be miserable.

Maybe joy is too extreme, too much of a feat to imagine attaining. For that, there is contentment. It is every bit as beautiful, I hear, but I have never known it. I think it must carry pride, but satisfaction has never been in my nature. To be at peace would nullify my very being. I am defined by the constant odds within me. If I did not feel at least two ways about something, I would not know what to do. These are the moments to which I am accustomed: quick thinking to target my serpent's tongue. I use words as much as my daggers, and I need not raise my voice to do damage. Sometimes a mere whisper is the most deadly of all. Sometimes the lack of words is more eloquent in these moments. They are all the same to me; contentment and opportunity do not ride astride the same horse and they never will. Catch me on the flighty, dark steed of chance every time. I just can't help myself. No, contentment is not for the likes of me. I have far too much to do before I fall for the last time. In these moments, I feel as if lacking contentment is not a handicap, but a blessing. Where others may falter, I simply cannot stop, even if I wanted to. And I _have_ wanted to.

There are other moments in life that leave craters on our psyches. Guilt, shame, grief. These taste of ashes and crush my chest until I suffocate with the burden of them. They are the opposite of joy in every way. Even pain is sweeter than the choking cloy of squandered moments, better than the aches of what you will never have again. My memory tortures me with details - from the obvious to the minute. They surface at random times and the smallest thing is like a tidal wave with its power. These reminders, these are what leave the scars on your soul. Mine is rusted, dented, with claw marks on the inside and out. Some of these are the result of misfortune, some the result of miscalculation. Some are self-inflicted. They all hurt with a ferocity that sometimes leaves me gasping. At other times, perhaps just the shine of wetness in my eyes betrays the turmoil beneath my pallid skin. If I look haunted to you, truly, it is because I am. If you see that much of me, then you see me rightly enough.

**Why do we suffer?**

_So that we never forget._

 

[  
Loki Silvertongue](http://www.roleplaylives.net/LokiSilvertongue/info/)


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